My theory. For first marriage men and women see what they want to see. For some that pattern repeats. Once people learn how to communicate, listen without judgement there is a chance of a long term relationship. Listening without judgement of that is good or bad or needs fixing does not mean you like what you discovered. Assume you discover a personality disorder like narcissistic tendencies. Or values not shared. Or you discover the person has a good heart and is on a journey of personal growth. Perhaps a kiss to build a dream on becomes shared values to build a relationship on.